12-16-2002
Someone elses’ thunder ... that applies to most of us ...
The E-RAVEN receives the same message in a forward by SHHS EXS
numerous times. As you read through the ones selected below from our
e-mail ... and it reminds you of something that happened to you in your
youth or young married life ... we would be pleased to
hear of your story, episode, accident or
predicament. It was catastrophic when we were younger, we learned
from our experience and today in the year 2002 it seems insignificant
and some of the events are very funny to us now.
********************
06 09 02
ETERNAL TRUTHS
1) Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
2)Love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
3) If it were not for STRESS I would have no energy at all.
4) Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
5) Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just do not have film.
6) Know God will not give me more than I can handle. I just wish He
didn't trust me so much.
7) Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
8) We cannot change the direction of the wind... but we can adjust our
sails.
9) Some days are a total waste of makeup.
10) Do you believe in love at first sight ... or should I walk by you
again?
11) If the shoe fits......buy it in every color.
12) If you are too open minded, your brains will fall out.
13) Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
14) Going to church does not make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
15) Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
16) If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you have never
tried before.
17) My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
18) Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is
serious.
19) It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
20) For every action, there is an equal and opposite government
program.
21) If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the
trip.
22) Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
23) A conscience is what hurts when all your
other parts feel so good.
24) Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
25) A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
26) Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the
waist change places.
27) Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
28) Junk is something you have kept for years and throw away three
weeks
before you need it.
29) There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
30) Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a
mistake when you make it again.
31) By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
32) Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real
world.
32) Learn from the mistakes of others. You can not live long enough to
make them all yourself.
****************
QUOTABLE QUOTES
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly
what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and
be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is
another theory which states that this has already happened."
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?
"You read about all these terrorists most of them came here legally, but
they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now,
compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those
people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration."
************************
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
************************
The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what
you're doing, someone else always does.
************************
quotable BLOOPERS
08-18-02 JoyceWallis'59Rhoads
WANT TO FEEL SMART; READ ON.....
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever,
but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world,
I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all
those flies and death and stuff,"
--Mariah Carey
"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.
There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were
selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." --John Wayne
"Half this game is 90% mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark
The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy
like
Norman Einstein,"
--Joe Theisman, NFL Football quarterback & sports analyst.
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people.
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
***************************
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark,
professionals built the Titanic.
***************************
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
***************************
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
***************************
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist
fears that this is true.
**************************
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
***************************
Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.
***************************
I am a nutritional overachiever.
***************************
Half the people you know are below average.
**************************
A day without sunshine is like night.
***************************
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you
the questions.
***************************
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right
time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
**************************
FrankCantu'57
08-27-02 FWD
For those of you not familiar with the work of "Steven
Wright", he's the guy who once said: "I woke up one morning
and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates."
Here are more of his thoughts:
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back.
A conscience is what hurts when all your
other parts feel so good.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have
obviously overlooked something.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL Pooh!
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
**********************
HazelLawson'55Gentry
08-27-02
By Dave Barry
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same
night.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not
achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental
illness."
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual
who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that
individual is crazy.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
Never lick a steak knife.
Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you
think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at
that moment.
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make
a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy
people who are not in them.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
(This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
Your friends love you anyway.
Jennifer Unlimited: Every time I close the door on reality it comes in
through the windows.
Catherine Aird: If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have
to be a horrible
warning.
Dolly Parton: I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I
know I'm not dumb and I'm also not blonde.
Zsa Zsa Gabor: I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a
man I
keep his house.
**********************
don't remember, but truly believe that everyone of you that
received this one did pass it on/into the e-mail Raven. and I
think it is really good. Bj'50
09-05-02
Were you a kid in the fifties or earlier? Everybody makes fun of our childhood,
right? Comedians joke. Grand kids snicker. Twenty something shudder
and say "Eeeew!" But
was our childhood really all that bad?
Judge for yourself:
In 1953, the US population was less than 150 million. Yet
you knew more people then, and knew them better. And that was good.
The average annual salary was under $3,000. Yet our parents could put some of
it away for a rainy day and still live a decent life. And that was good.
A loaf of bread cost about 15 cents. But it was safe for a
five year old to skate to the store and buy one. And that was
good.
Prime Time meant I Love Lucy, Ozzie and Harriet,
Gunsmoke and Lassie. So nobody ever heard of ratings or filters. And
that was good.
We didn't have air conditioning . So the windows stayed up
and half a dozen mothers ran outside when you fell off your bike. And
that was good.
Your teacher was either Miss Matthew or Mrs. Logan or Mr.
Adkins, but not Ms Becky or Mr. Dan. And that was good.
The only hazardous material you knew about was a patch of
grass burrs around the light pole at the corner. And that was
good.
You loved to climb into a fresh bed because sheets were dried on the
clothesline. And that was good.
People generally lived in the same home town with their relatives. So
"child care" meant grandparents or aunts and uncles. And that
was good.
Parents were respected and their rules were law. Children did not talk back... And
that was good.
TV was in black and white . But all outdoors was in glorious color. And
that was certainly good.
**********************
10-30-02 JackieMergele'58Dowlearn
Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will
leave footprints in your heart.
To handle yourself, use your head.
To handle others, use your heart. God gives every bird it's food, but He
does not throw it into it's nest.
*********************
Thanks Cherokee and Maiden …. For forwarding these
wonderful quotes to the E-Raven … numerous times. Bj'50
QUOTES: Women
Great Women
Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell
happened.
Cora Harvey Armstrong
Quotations from women about
women
The hardest years in life are those between ten and
seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)
Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it,
I think
I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone
-Jan King-
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow-
Laugh and the world laughs with you cry and you cry with
your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky-
Old age ain't no place for
sissies.
-Bette Davis-
A man's got to do what a man's got to do; A woman must
do what he can't
-Rhonda Hansome-
The phrase "working mother" is redundant
-Jane Sellman-
Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows
-Jennifer Unlimited-
Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought
half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton-
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and
your body
starts falling apart.
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days
attack me at
once.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be
a horrible
warning.
-Catherine Aird-
When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids
for two years
before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!
-Kathy Berkley-
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know
I'm not dumb
and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you
hardly ever see a
smart woman with a dumb guy.
-Erica Jong
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing
them.
-Sue Grafton-
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride
on.
-Roseanne Barr-
I think---therefore I'm single.
-Lizz Winstead-
When women are depressed they either eat or go
shopping. Men invade
another country. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson-
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man - if you
want anything
done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher-
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine
marriage and a
career.
-Gloria Steinem-
I never married, because there was no need
I have three pets at home
which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls
every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes
home late every night.
-Marie Corelli-
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing
neckties? How
intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your
neck?
-Linda Ellerbee-
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man
I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor-
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your
permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-
*********************
11-18-02 fwd MargaretWilliams'54Holloway
(Margaret is LowellWilliams'50 s cousin)
What a difference 30 years makes....
Sad but true! :)
1972: Long hair
2002: Longing for hair
1972: The perfect high
2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund
1972: KEG
2002: EKG
1972: Acid rock
2002: Acid reflux
1972: Moving to California because it's cool
2002: Moving to California because it's warm
1972: Growing pot
2002: Growing pot belly
1972: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2002: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1972: Seeds and stems
2002: Roughage
1972: Popping pills, smoking joints
2002: Popping joints
1972: Killer weed
2002: Weed killer
1972: Hoping for a BMW
2002: Hoping for a BM
1972: The Grateful Dead
2002: Dr. Kevorkian
1972: Going to a new, hip joint
2002: Receiving a new hip joint
1972: Rolling Stones
2002: Kidney Stones
1972: Being called into the principal's office
2002: Calling the principal's office
1972: Screw the system
2002: Upgrade the system
1972: Disco
2002: Costco
1972: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2002: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1972: Taking acid
2002: Taking antacid
1972: Passing the drivers' test
2002: Passing the vision test
1972: Whatever
2002: Depends
Just in case you weren't feeling too old
today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at
Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to
give the faculty a sense of the mind set of this year's
incoming freshmen.
Here's this year's list:
The people who are starting college this fall across
the nation were born in 1983.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle
blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
The CD was introduced the year they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile
for a Camel
They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who
J. R. even is.
Michael Jackson has always been white.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet?
*******Margaret,
this one put the icing on the cake ... thanks a Bjillion and be sure to send
our regards to Lowell... Bj'50
*************************
11-20-02
famous one liners: FrankCantu'57 fwd:
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God
and I didn't
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
God must love stupid people, he made so many.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up
Procrastinate Now
Rehab Is for Quitters
My Dog Can Lick Anyone
Finally 21, and legally able to do everything I've been doing
since 15.
West Virginia: One million people and 15 last names.
My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
Stupidity is not a HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead
HECK is where people go who don't believe in GOSH.
The Meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
HAM and EGG - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment
for a pig.
WELCOME to SOUTH CAROLINA - Set your watch back 20 years.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
**********************
11-19-02 Fwd: BarbaraStolle'58Eward
11-20-02 fwd: JackieMergele'58Dowlearn
If you lived as a child in the 50's, 60's or earlier
Looking back, it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as we
have...
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air
bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special
treat.
Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead based paint.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we
rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention hitchhiking to town as a
young kid!) (the window seals had teething marks on them too)
We drank water from the garden hose and not
from a bottle. Horrors.
We would spend hours building our go carts out of scraps and then
rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into
the bushes a few times we learned to solve the problem.
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long
as we were back when the street lights came on. No one was able to reach us all
day. Our parents knew that all the neighbors would watch out for all the
kids.
No cell phones. Unthinkable. We played dodge ball and
sometimes the ball would really hurt. We got cut and broke bones and broke
teeth, and there were no law suits from these accidents. They were accidents.
No one was to blame, but us. Remember accidents?
We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue
and learned to get over it.
We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank sugar soda but we were never
overweight... we were always outside playing. We shared one grape soda
with four friends, from one bottle and no one died from this.
We did not have Play stations, Nintendo 64, X Boxes, video
games at all, 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal
cell phones, Personal Computers, Internet chat rooms ... we had friends. We
went outside and found them. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and
knocked on the door, or rung the bell or just walked in and talked to them.
Imagine such a thing. Without asking a parent! By ourselves! Out there in the
cold cruel world! Without a guardian.
How did we do it?
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms
and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes,
nor did the worms live inside us forever.
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.
Those who didn't, had to learn to deal with disappointment..... The teams
actually kept score and the winning team was allowed to be excited and the
losing team learned to be good sports about it and learned that, in life -
sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.
Some students weren't as smart as others so they failed a
grade and were held back to repeat the same grade..... Horrors. Tests were not
adjusted for any reason.
Almost no one went to "preschool" and when we
graduated high school we all knew how to read, use proper grammar and do basic
math. We all learned how to count out change without a
calculator to tell us the amount.
The worst problems in school were tardiness and chewing gum in
class.
Our actions were our own. ... Consequences were
expected. No one to hide behind.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They
actually sided with the law, imagine that!
If you misbehaved - your parents spanked
you and no one arrested them for doing that! We also learned that when a parent
said "No" - they actually meant that and our lives would not be
ruined forever by being denied every little thing we wanted at any given
moment.
New toys were received on birthdays and holidays..... not
on every trip to the store. Parents gave us gifts out of love.... not
out of guilt.
This generation has produced some of the best
risk takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years has been
an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and
responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
And you're one of them.
Congratulations!
**********************Sounds
like every Cherokee and Maiden I grew up with too... thanks everyone for
sending in this one. Bj'50
**********************
Golden Rules for Living
If you open it, close it.
If you turn it on, turn it off. If you unlock it,
lock it up.
If you break it, admit it.
If you can't fix it, call in someone who can.
If you borrow it, return it.
If you value it, take care of it.
If you make a mess, clean it u[.
If you move it, put it back.
If it belongs to someone else and you want to use
it, get permission.
If you don't know how to operate it, leave it alone.
If it's none of your business, don't ask questions.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
If it will brighten someone's day, say it.
If it will tarnish someone's reputation, keep it to
yourself.
Author unknown
All of the above ... Oh, Yes, Cherokee and Maiden
... do know the author and administrators, ... none other than every one
of our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors, and teachers.
**********************
"What we do, we
best do now ... because, we have no lock on tomorrow"
**********************
**********************
Let us know if any of the
above e-mail and excerpts ... have jogged your memory ... people love true
stories. You remember ... human interest stories ... "Take
care ... LOVE, and let your self be loved." Bj'50 12-16-2002
*********************
To the Oldtimer (Quiz) TOC
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